Ty’s OCD has been flaring up lately. This morning we had a good talk. His life is his. No one can change how he thinks. Many times his thoughts are dark. He wants to talk to Steven to clear the air. He says he thinks that will work. I hope so. I’ve asked him time and again what will help him to make this stop bothering him and he’s been saying that he just wants Steven to understand him. To me that meant just that. He wants to be understood. Today I realized that in his mind he means that he wants to talk it out with Steven so that they can come to an understanding of why he did what he did and why he said what he said, 3 years ago. He wants to explain himself and for Steven to hear him out! He wants forgiveness as well. Whoa, what miscommunication can do to! I told him ok tomorrow we’ll call him. How did we get to this point? I asked him how he can get past this. He said I want Steven to understand. Ok if we call him would that make him feel better? “Yes,” he said. I feel so sorry and bad that I did not understand him. Thank you for the breakthrough Lord!
Just read what I wrote here and realize that whoever is reading this will have no idea about what I’m talking about! Well, Tytus is my youngest son. He’s 19 now. At 5 years old he was observed by a psychiatrist and we were told that he had ADHD. So all those years went by with us thinking that’s all it was. He was not prescribed any medication. In fact, the psychiatrist was against it which was a relief to me and I would’ve refused it anyway. As he got older his behavior started changing. He became angrier, cussed a lot, cursed people, especially Steven. That was because he got into an argument with him. He couldn’t be around his dad or near him. Didn’t like to be touched by him either let alone being hugged. He was very argumentative and angry. This went on for months. The excessive anger, arguments between him and his dad, cussing, cursing people, repeating his words, the obsessions, compulsions, meltdowns.
As I started reading about it I started to recall things that he would do. I remember him going in and out of the bathroom and “telling people off” or “showing the finger”, turning the shower water on and off, on and off, spraying a bottle of essential oils each time he would pass the laundry room because of “germs”, repetitively getting up and sitting on a chair or getting in and out of the car. And the biggest struggle for him was going into his room because he had this fear that there was germs which led him to start urinating in a water bottle and piling it up on his bed because he didn’t want to struggle re-entering his room. There were many nights that he would stay awake talking to “someone” and cussing them out. And nights that he would scream and want to die. Nights when we had to stand in the bathroom to monitor his showers or he would be going in and out for a whole hour or more and still not be done. He would take showers in scalding hot water because of the fear of germs. He began losing weight rapidly even though I fed him healthy meals. The dark thoughts were the hardest. It wasn’t only what he said but how he said it. They were words of condemnation, evil, wicked, unthinkable. This was a scary time for us because depression, anxiety, and suicide runs in my family on my mother’s side. But mostly I felt helpless and would cry for him.
Well it was time for his annual check up and when the doctor saw him she noticed that his leg couldn’t stay still so she asked if he was anxious. That was when he got referred to a counselor and that was when it was confirmed that he had OCD but another surprise was that his new diagnosis was not Attention Deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) but instead was autism which I had suspected since he was a child but was relieved that it wasn’t only for it to turn out to be positive a few years later. Anyway he is high functioning autistic which means he can tie his shoes, dress himself, etc.
I found out that autism often masks itself in Attention deficit disorder or ADD and ADHD; and OCD, schizophrenia, disruptive sleep, anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder often come along with it especially at the puberty stage. It is also a severe type of anxiety. And one of the hardest things to see anyone go through, especially your child.
How we cope:
- Resist trying to mold him into someone he is NOT.
- Acceptance and coming out of denial.
- Educating ourselves.
- LOTS and LOTS of patience.
- More than that, LOVE.
- Prayer.
- Understanding.
- Actively listening. This is a big one because most don’t know how or can’t express their feelings.
- Being an advocate.
- Teach self-sufficiency.
Now he is seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication. When it’s time for his appointments I am right there in the room to listen in and do any kind of explaining or interpreting to the doctor, any doctor, that he has an appointment with even though he’s an adult. He always wants me in there with him anyway. I try to wean off when possible so he can get comfortable with it. After all, I will not live forever so I want him to be able to do things for himself. But always meet your child where he’s at. Find solutions for the time when you won’t be there. This is hard for me. Sometimes I don’t know where to go, who to turn to. I can’t lay this on my other children to care for him when I’m gone. And who’s to say that they will? But while everything is still new for him, I’ll be there to support him in any way I can.
And I trust God’s timing and for him to work everything out for my son when I’m gone. Yes, because that’s the kind of God that he is. That’s the kind of God that I serve. And we are his children. And he always works things out for the good for those who love him.
If you were to meet Tytus, you’ll find that he is the sweetest kid. I literally hear this from everyone he comes in contact with. He is loyal to a fault, fun and funny, loving and true. He loves singing, dancing, acting, and being in the spotlight (and in costume) no matter how awkward it may be, and he doesn’t care what people think of him, which is one of the things I LOVE most about him. I think we could all learn to be like that. My favorite thing that he said to me one day is,
“Mom, I’m glad ‘I have autism’ because it means I’m special.”
Well ain’t that the truth!
And speaking of truth… Here’s the truth on The Plan of Salvation:
- Hear the Word, the Gospel.
- Believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
- Repent, turn away from you sins.
- Confess in public that Jesus is the Son of God.
- Be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins.
- Live faithful until death.
And you can always go here for the Scriptures on that:
https://lifeandliftedhands.com/category/the-plan-of-salvation-the-gospel-of-jesus/
I wish you well with whatever you’re going through with your child or yourself. I understand how hard it can be and I really empathize with you. You are in my prayers. Just keep going, breathe, never give up.
I hope you will take time to read the Scriptures in the link above. If you aren’t a Christian, your soul depends on it, and it is at stake. We don’t know if we have tomorrow so please act on it right away. If you are battling OCD, this is already a hell to go through. Give yourself a chance, accept Jesus by following the Plan of Salvation so that you can have hope for your ETERNAL FUTURE.
Oh and btw, if you have time check out the things I have for sale in my Ecwid store! Click on “store” on the menu above.
THANKS FOR VISITING!
Very professional and excellent read mother mom.
Cil your writimg about Ty is to the T!
He is a so loving and love it when we talk even if he does most of the talking. Im excited to listen to him and all that he has to say. He is definitely special and love him just the way he is.
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Your doing an amazing and out of all the moms in the world God gave you him for a son. Can’t wait to share and read more of your blogs keep it up. ♥️🤗
Cil,. You are spot on about Ty. He’s the sweetest kid! I really like conversing with him. You as his mom has seen the good and not so good parts of his special personality. You’ve done good with him. God bless you always 😘
We’ve lost a son and father of a autistic child and buried him this morning. A brother of his has a autistic child also . These are not high functioning children ,but ! with family graced by Gods Love everyday is that gift of function to be in their presence . May your son continue the successful journey and path he’s on. May Gods Love shelter you and be a lamp unto your path always. Thank you Cil.
Thank you for commenting on this post. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, Prim. Yes, with God’s grace we can do anything! Blessings to the family as they continue this journey. Lots of love and grace goes a long way.