Lately I’ve been hearing about friends who have recently gotten divorced or are in the process of it so it made me want to write about marriage and the “rules” for marriage regarding the Christian since there are no rules that apply for the non-Christian.
I am really amazed that people don’t take this vow seriously or they find any reason to divorce their spouse. This is not how God intended marriage to be like. He doesn’t take vows which is another word for promise, lightly. We have to answer to any and all words that come out of our mouths. So if we make a vow or promise, we better keep it. According to Matthew 5.37 we should let our “yes be yes and our no be no, because anything beyond that is from the devil.” In Ecclesiastes 5.5 it says, and I am paraphrasing here: If we don’t mean our vow, we shouldn’t make it. Better yet, just don’t make any vows. But if you do make a vow, make sure to pay it.
Hebrews 13.4 says, let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. What does this mean? It means that 2 people who are already bound to one another should stay bound and not stray, thereby keeping the marriage bed pure and not committing adultery. In Matthew 19.1-13, Jesus talks to the Pharisees regarding adultery, and there are many other passages regarding this. For simplicity sake, we will concentrate on this one.
So the Pharisees went to Jesus to test him. The question was asked, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
In which Jesus answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
The Pharisees questioned him again saying, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
And Jesus replied, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
So God wants us to work it out. He wants us to live in peace. See 1 Corinthians 7.10-11
People say don’t stay in the marriage just because of the kids but I say yes, stay! Obviously, if there is abuse or molestation present then this is a big no! I am not coming from that point of view. I mean to stay if there is only disagreements or “small” things like that, but even if we don’t see it as a small thing we still made a vow! So if we stay, we teach our kids loyalty and commitment. There will still be some damage but that’s life! I don’t know of any family that is perfect, where there isn’t any damage. There’s damage in any relationship not just marriage. Do you divorce your best friend when they hurt you? Your spouse should be your best friend too. So why are we leaving? Staying for the kids not only teaches loyalty and commitment but also perseverance. And what happens after divorce? There’s almost always more hatred and fighting. Do you think the kids don’t see that? Then one remarries and there’s more people to deal with, more damage done because suddenly there’s more kids and somehow the new ones get more attention, become the priority, the others feel left out and are often compared. So now there’s more of a mess and that’s confusing for the kids. That ends up trickling down to them – they learn that this kind of life is normal and feel like they don’t know where they belong, if they were loved. It beats them up internally, they get confused, they’re always asking “why”? Kids never want their parents divorced unless of course there is abuse (and sometimes even not at that!) But not normally. They don’t want to choose between their parents and they often hear each of them saying bad things about the other. Of course this is my opinion but I’ve seen it in many families that go through this and have even heard it from some of the kids.
But let’s get back to what God says. That’s the most important thing, EVER! In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7.1-16 pretty much sums up the rules of marriage for the Christian. First of all Paul says it’s better not to be married because this kind of life brings out many challenges but if a person cannot control his/her passion, then they should marry rather than burn with it. Once married, the wife no longer belongs to herself (The words “you don’t own me”, sound familiar?) and the man doesn’t belong to himself, they actually own each other! And are now ONE. They are now bound for LIFE. Let me clarify further. Say you marry and now want to get a divorce, and you do. You cannot remarry until your spouse dies because you are bound to him/her. If you do remarry while your spouse is still alive, you have now become an adulterer. Now let’s say you divorce and your spouse dies, you can marry now BUT IT HAS TO BE TO A CHRISTIAN. 1 Corinthians 7.39 I write this regarding the Christian only. They would be held guilty even if they repent because they would be continually living that adulterous life.
This doesn’t apply to the non-Christian. If they marry multiple times it doesn’t matter because they are already guilty just from not obeying the Gospel. If they repent and become a Christian, this guilt will be wiped away. Again, let me clarify. Remember above it says that if a person (a Christian) divorces and remarries while the spouse is still alive, they are considered an adulterer but once that spouse dies and they remarry it would be ok. So if a non-Christian has married 3 times already or however many times, and they suddenly realize that they have sinned and now they want to obey the Gospel and they do, then they are no longer guilty. They now have a clean slate. They are no longer adulterers (those multiple marriages), nor are they guilty of any sin because now it has been washed away. They would not have to leave the spouse they are with at that present moment. The question now is, would she/he be considered an adulterer if that spouse doesn’t repent? I would say the one who became a Christian isn’t but the one who didn’t is still in his/her sin and therefore is an adulterer, guilty of that sin and all sins because of disobedience to the Gospel. That non-Christian though, is allowed to stay in the marriage according to 1 Corinthians 7.12-15 because God wants us to live in peace!
HOW AMAZING IS GOD AND HIS WORD!? Everything correlates.
Speaking of the non-Christian, how about getting you started?
To become a Christian is so so simple. Oftentimes people miss it because of its simplicity. But that’s the kind of God I serve, one that is not confusing and simple to understand. You just have to pay attention!
You can click on the attached link below for further details but I’ll simplify for you here.
The Plan of Salvation
- Hear the word of God.
- Believe the Gospel.
- Repent of your sins. Repent means to turn away.
- Confess that Jesus is the Son of God.
- Be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins. There is no other reason but this.
- Stay faithful until death.
Here is the link for further information. It explains the “why” of the steps to take.
https://lifeandliftedhands.com/the-plan-of-salvation/
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Marriage is honorable to God. I love the way God wanted Husband & Wife to be “one flesh”, like how you said above how the Husband & Wife complement each other. In God’s way, he wanted Husband & Wife (“to become fruitful & become many) – have children to “fill the Earth”. The Israelites brought up their children with God always there before their eyes. Deuteronomy 6:7 NIV version “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”. The same way with Christians today when we have our Bible Studies (or us just reading Bible stories to our kids/grandkids at their early age/age’s & bringing them along to Church with us) – as early as possible, teaching children about God, Jesus & the Bible.
In the Bible, God also tells us that he hates Divorce. Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce says the Lord, God of Israel”. The Bible Verses you mentioned above about Divorce & Remarrying & pertaining to “Christians” as the World portrays Marriage & Divorce their way, but we know God’s way & what we should follow as spiritual people & honoring God. I like your blog on this subject/topic. It makes me want to listen to the Scriptures & follow in God & Jesus’ way.